A few months ago, I posted some wisdom I’d heard in passing as I walked the streets of Manhattan. I’m happy to report that I’ve gathered 12 more gems to share with you. Being that I try to keep this blog PG13, I’ve used some *s (quite a few, actually), but I’m quite certain you’ll fill in the blanks without effort.
1) A man who sounded much like Joe Pesci, to another man: “How am I supposed to negotiate with you? You’re such a f***ing genius!” Lesson: Know what you’re up against before beginning any negotiations.
2) Young man to young woman: “You need to keep it natural, Bitch.” Lesson: Reconsider that appointment for plastic surgery.
3) Man talking to woman: “I really didn’t believe elephants could paint flowers, either, but it’s real.” Lesson: Keep the faith.
4) Man to woman smoking a cigarette: “It’s true…smoke goes downwind.” Hesitates, then adds, “Or, up.” Lesson: If you want to impress, decide on your story and stick to it.
5) At CVS Pharmacy, older woman to husband: “Oh, that’s why Rosemary’s here, for the ice cream. Want some?” Lesson: Ice cream…not just for Baskin Robbins anymore. (Hidden lesson: pharmaceutical drug companies have planted cholesterol raising foods strategically in their favor.)
6) Sports fan to another: “If we lose, who the f*** cares?” Lesson: It’s a game; lighten up and toss me another beer.
7) Young homeless guy, leaning against a building at a street corner…not sure who he was talking to: “I suggest you take a seat and chill the f*** out!” Lesson: If you’re on meds, please take as directed. (For those keeping score, chalk up another one for pharmaceutical drug companies.)
8) Teenage girl to friends: “Of course, because he’s a f***ing Scorpio!” Lesson: Beware the Scorpio sting. (I’d like to add, my husband, who is a Scorpio, was walking with me at the time. We looked at each other, knowingly, and burst out laughing.
9) Young man to friend: “I’m just mad at f***ing everything!” Lesson: Sometimes, it’s good (and necessary) to make new friends.
10) Worker, loading water bottles into refrigerator at street vendor, to pedestrian: “I’m working here! Don’t touch me, M***er F***er!” Lesson: Bottled water – the source of all evil.
11) An older, scruffy man to a random well-dressed businessman, referring to a nearby drunken man: “That guy on the ground looks like he’s ready to go home and go to bed. It’s a f***in’ shame.” Lesson: If you are going to drink too much, it’s advisable to do it in the comfort of your own home.
12) Woman to man: “This is crazy! This is REALLY CRAZY!” Lesson: One man’s normal is another man’s crazy.
What I think is crazy, after making note of these snippets of conversation, is how little regard people give to cussing, loudly and freely, in public. I don’t even consider myself prudish, I just think a little discretion would be nice. So please, just clean it the f*** up!
Yep. It’s hard to be ladylike.